i newspaper, March 3, 2020 (I think – forgot to note the exact date)

(51 words) I keep saying that shorts are the finest form of subbing. Any clot can tick up 500 words but boiling that down to 50 is an art.

This effort, with its literal and its repetition and its gibberish, is pathetic. How was the shirt recovered? Who wore it? Never mind the replica value, what is the stolen one worth? What is the design that is so terrible?

Obviously this should have been schemed with a picture, as should any story which involves the appearance of something. You can see it here.




Even so, this is how it could be done:

A rare Celtic shirt stolen from the National Football Museum in Manchester last weekend has been posted back anonymously. The Number 10 shirt was worn by Charlie Nicholas in the 1991/2 season and valued at £600. Last year the jagged lightning design featured in ‘the 20 worst ever strips’.

As for the heading, why would anyone say ‘restored’ rather than ‘returned’? I would suggest:


‘Worst’ football shirt
is sent off by thief


The Times, March 10, 2020

Veteran? At 52? I suppose if you are fresh out of university that is how it seems but you need to remember that most readers of newspapers are at least 52 and will not take kindly to being called ‘veteran’. The same applies to ‘elderly’ and any other reminders that we are not as young as we were.