#426

The Times, July 10, 2018

This is a good example of how to kill a story. You have got to make the reader think it is worth continuing, not give it all away in the first line. Given that you have pictures, I would do it like this:

This is the dramatic moment when a gunman opened fire on a woman driver at point-blank range.

If I had been subbing this I would have wanted to know who took the video and why it has taken nearly two months to release it. I would also not have used the expression ‘dark-skinned black man’, which sounds silly, and you don’t need to put 5ft 8in ‘tall’. This is the way to do a description:

Police said the attacker was black, about 5ft 8in and of medium build.

A balaclava by definition covers part of the face. If it didn’t, it would not be a balaclava.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *