Author: MargaretAshworth

#287

I’ve mentioned before that I rarely feature Mail Online because it’s the exception when they get something right, but I couldn’t resist this. You need to know that the man involved is Professor Terence Meaden.

Extracts from: Was Stonehenge constructed as part of a fertility cult?

Mail Online, December 10, 2017

Professor Terance Meade said Stonehenge was built to be a ‘play without words’

Prod Terance said the phenomenon would represent fertility for the builders

Professor Meaden examined nearly 20 stone circle across Britain

Professor Terance Meade of said the Stonehege’s ancient builders create a ‘play without words’

The professor also identified other important dates pick out by the stones

Further sundries carried out at six other circles in County Cork

But Professor Mike Paker-Pearson [his name is Parker Pearson, no hyphen] from University College London is less convinced of the theroy.

 

 

 

#286

i newspaper, December 7, 2017

(44 words) It is not mandatory to use the cliche ‘under the hammer’ in every story involving an auction. It is especially important to avoid it when you produce such a silly image. This applies to all sorts of items such as paintings, cars and Ming vases. There are also a lot of wasted words in this piece which could have been used to give more details about the specs, which in fact were not worn by him, though you don’t need to spell this out.

I would have put:

A pair of Sir Winston Churchill’s tortoiseshell spectacles have been auctioned for £6,000, three times the £2,000 estimate. The round-framed reading glasses in a leather case were made by his opticians C W Dixey & Sons and were sold on Wednesday by Catherine Southon Auctioneers. (45 words)

 

 

#285

The Times, December 5, 2017

I don’t believe even 30 seconds of thought went into either the heading or the intro. ‘Gets’ is a word which should never appear in a heading – there is always a better way. I would suggest that ‘Clementine’ is better than the banal ‘Churchill’s wife’. How about:

Clementine steps out of Churchill’s shadow

And as for the intro: If you must use this dreadful ‘he/but’ construction, the ‘he’ refers to Kristin Scott Thomas, who is female. The idea of ‘fighting them on the beaches’ is a cliche – let’s reach for the first thing we can remember from Churchill’s speeches. Still, it goes with the ‘finest hour’ cliche in the heading.

I’d suggest something like this:

Clementine Churchill is to receive some long overdue credit for her wartime role, thanks to the actress playing her in a new film.

Kristin Scott Thomas said that initially the producers of Darkest Hour treated Winston Churchill’s wife as an afterthought, but her contribution was a vital part of his success.

‘I really fought to give her more weight in the film, to give her more sense to the story,’ said Scott Thomas.

 

 

 

#284

Anthropomorphism Special

Daily Express, December 1, 2017

The idea of a ‘hero’ pigeon is ludicrous. Courage means doing something one is afraid to do, usually for the good of another. Can anyone seriously think a bird is capable of this? Could a pigeon have any motive for flying from A to B apart from the expectation of a nice corn dinner?

Animals should be referred to as ‘it’, not ‘he’ or ‘she’, unless the circumstances are unusual, and I can’t think of an example at present.

An acceptable heading on this would be:

£20,000 for
pigeon ‘VC’

That story appeared yesterday. Today we had one about a pair of explosive-sniffing dogs.

The Times, December 2, 2017

i newspaper, December 2, 2017

‘Hero’ dogs are as impossible as ‘hero’ pigeons. As anyone who has had a dog knows, they work on instinct or for rewards. The idea of altruism is ridiculous.

They should be  referred to as ‘which’, not ‘who’, a pronoun reserved for humans.

It is a claim that they cannot be rehomed, not a fact. I am prepared to bet good money that after all this, new homes will be found for them.*

If you say someone is a minister, you need to specify what department he is in. Sir Alan Duncan is at the Foreign Office.

Some other thoughtless and silly headlines on the same story:

Hero military dogs who saved thousands of lives face death row

www.telegraph.co.uk

Hero British Army dogs who helped save thousands of lives in Afghanistan to be executed

www.standard.co.uk

‘Executed’?!

SAS hero Andy McNab leads fight to stop heroic Melton military dogs being put down

www.leicestermercury.co.uk

Nick Ferrari’s Plea: Someone Re-Home These Hero Army Dogs – LBC

www.lbc.co.uk/radio

Campaign to stop hero Army dogs being put down because they can’t be re-homed

www.metro.co.uk

Etc, etc.  Is there no one with an original thought in his or her head?

*PS:

Two hero war dogs Kevin and Dazz, who saved hundreds of lives in Afghanistan, have been rescued from death row in victory for The Sun

The Sun, December 4, 2017

Still heroic.

 

#282

i newspaper, December 1, 2017

In a news story, you cannot report someone’s opinion as fact. This heading should have had quotes to read

Dumping Spacey ‘was right’

or (if the style was changed)

Scott: Why Spacey had to go

The only context in which you could use the existing heading would be if it was the writer’s own opinion.

#280

The Times, November 29, 2017

Presumably ‘children’s playground’ is necessary to differentiate it from an adults’ playground or an octopuses’ playground. This is my heavy-handed way of saying that ‘playground’ incorporates the idea of its being for children.

Incidentally I have never seen ‘nearby’ as two words before.

#279

The Times, November 29, 2017

A strong entrant in the Most Meaningless Heading of the Year stakes. Gibberish.

The story needs attention too:

If you are going to refer to the skirmish between two towns in the second par, then you don’t burble on about archaeological details until after you have introduced the second town. You don’t need to say there were two invasions until lower down the story, either. Keep it simple in the first few pars so that readers don’t lose the will to live. For example, what does it matter in the second par that the archaeologist is from Leicester University? It is unnecessary complexity.

I’ve just noticed that the graphic refers to the Ebbsfleet ‘peninsular’. The term for a projecting area of land is a ‘peninsula’, and ‘peninsular’ is the adjective derived from it.

#278

The Oldie magazine, December 2017

According to the Oxford, Cambridge and Collins dictionaries, the words ‘disaster’ and ‘catastrophe’ are synonyms. It is poor practice to start a sentence with a figure. A phoenix rises from the ashes, not from the flames.

The quote is ‘an hairy man’, which is much of the joke. I suppose the old girl’s memory isn’t what it was, but someone on the Oldie should have known this renowned quote.  Watch it on YouTube.

The definition of ‘sell’ is to hand over something in exchange for money. You can’t sell something free of charge, absolutely or otherwise (free cannot be qualified: you can’t have very free, almost free or slightly free). Alternative words could be ‘provide’ or ‘disseminate’.

Oldie but not Goldie.